No fat chicks...

I was asked about the name of my blog - someone wondered if the name was a little derogatory and, indeed it is. My first exposure to "fat chick" came from a book "No Fat Chicks" by Terry Poulton - a Canadian woman whose battle against obesity lead to a Biggest Loser style series in Chatelaine magazine where she publicly shed an amazing amount of weight only to regain it once the attention died down. Her message of big business and celebrity cutlure conspiring against woman by making every woman hate her body rings with truth. Her title comes from a bumper sticker on an 18 wheeler operated by an obese slob of a man who was oblivious to the double standard of his expectation for company in the sleeper cab of his rig! I liked this book - it did ring true and I recognized myself as a Fat Chick - the kind of matronly looking 40 something with a mini-van and a purse full of crackers and handi-wipes who was kidding herself if she thought those wolf whistles were intended for her.

A Fat Chick has lots of issues - choose from a possible list: low self esteem, an ugly wardrobe, sensible hairstyle, clothes that don't fit, constant hunger, exhaustion from keeping up with the daily grind, shortness of breath from climbing a flight of stairs, looking for food rewards when none else is available, invisibility, sensible shoes because heels make your aged knees ache, minor hypochondria, a sense of life passing by. I had all of these and more - I was definitely a Fat Chick.

The reality is, I still am - because, this Fat Chick got to be fat through eating too much of the wrong stuff and not exercising enough. Not taking care of her spirit; letting the exhaustion and the kids and the mortgage and the boss take control of her life. I know now that fighting against the Fat Chick inside of me is going to be a daily battle. I know that the Fat Chick is inside of me, waiting for me to slip up - to let the exhaustion and self doubt and low self esteem back into my life, to seek reward and happiness from a slab of carrot cake, to allow the nasty inner voice to open her sneering lips again with acrimony and negativity. I know that this can happen - and so, I wake up every morning and pledge a day of "sobriety" to myself. I start with positive affirmations and gratitude. I offer thanks to a body that has taken so much abuse but still gives so much back to me. I plan my exercise for the day. I think about the possible pitfalls and how I'm going to manage them. Like an alcoholic who is always in recovery, always measuring success one day at a time, I too, am looking at this process as a commitment I must make everyday for the rest of my life.

And thus, no matter how thin I am, I recognize I am always going to be a Fat Chick inside. I will always stand guard to make certain she stays there, too!