I felt great at 183 lb. and enjoyed getting back into all the activities I loved so much. It's no accident that the majority of the photos taken while I was that weight were taken outside, hiking in the mountains - in Alberta, Montana, Arizona, Utah- wherever there is elevation, that's where I want to be. My church exists above the treeline. After my daughter Emily died, it was during a trip to the Kananaskis region of SW Alberta that I started wanting to live again - that's how powerful being in the mountains is to me. And I don't mean looking at them from a roadside stop - I mean getting out and climbing them. Weighing 221 lbs had made climbing the side of a mountain very challenging and, frankly, unsafe. Shedding 38lbs reopened my soul to me - a door I never want to close again. 
I am somewhat unnerved by these photos - I now weigh more than 35 lbs less than I did in any of these photos but, to me, I look exactly the same. I know that I can remove those hiking shorts (above) without undoing the zipper. And those jeans were size 14 while the ones I'm currently wearing are a 6. Of course, my hair is longer and I'm 3 years older now - but physically, I see myself as looking the same. I wonder if it's because I started loving myself then and what I see in my mind is the happiness in me that is the same rather than the physical shape that has changed? I don't know.
So - why didn't I just stay at 183? Why didn't I just shed the 9 that h
ad crept back on and leave it at that? Ultimately, it still had to do with health. I was happy inside and happy with what I looked like but, happy or not, my BMI was still borderline obese and I want to be here to watch my grandson grow up. I am striving for physical health to match my mental health... and 183 lb simply isn't going to cut it.I have to take some current pictures - or rather, get someone to snap a few or we'll be stuck with those awkward arms length shots favoured by clever teens and their facebook profiles. Lots more to talk about - to think about... I'll be back.
