Biting the proverbial bullet... back to WW.

The day I weighed 192 at the doctor's wasn't a complete shock. Those size 10 Levi's had long ago "shrunk" to a degree that left them relegated to the back of the closet. And my asthma was keeping me from walking briskly outside in the cold weather. And... well, lots of excuses but reality is, I wasn't entirely unprepared for the reality of those numbers on the scale.

I didn't own a scale at home. I once became so obsessed with weighing myself that I'd step on the scale as often as 4 times a day - even at work (I'm an RN, we have scales at work!) and the number on the scale would dictate my mood for the next few hours until I got back on the scale. I also expected the number to keep going down - even on maintenance. I was 117 on my 5'5" frame before I came to my senses and threw the scale and all related scale activity out the window. Like all recovering addicts - abstinence from the addictive activity took over - I even turned my back on the scale while weighing in at the doctor's office. I couldn't turn my ears off though - my physician liked to tell me my weight and ask me what I was going to do about it at every annual physical.

So - it wasn't a shock but, 192 was not a pleasant number. I left the doctor's office feeling defeated by my own appetite for life - I had significantly changed my diet - there was little in it that could be further eliminated. I had significantly increased my exercise - walking 5 km most evenings with DH and practicing yoga 2 times per week - I didn't know how I was going to find more time in the day for more fitness. It was discouraging but I knew I had to find a way to overcome the obstacles in order to be more healthy.

I joined Weight Watchers (WW) one week later. I had been a WW member in the past - starting at 183 lb 4 months after my youngest daughter was born - I took 5 months to get to goal (138 lb) then proceeded to lose another 21 lbs over the next few months. I loved the program and became a leader - back then you had to be 10 lb under goal to lead and I enjoyed the skinniness of 128 lb very much. So, I dieted hard to be that weight, became addicted to the scale, became too thin, then started to regain and, after 3 years of leading - decided it was all too much stress and quit.

I vowed I would never diet again - diets don't work. And, my success on WW did come from dieting. I didn't change my eating habits - just modified everything to accommodate it all within the diet. Used artificial sweetners, ate tons of low cal desserts, bought frozen processed meals by the cart full, cut my wine with soda (a sacrilege quite frankly), etc etc. Not a lot of lifestyle change going on and, I recall it very well, I was ALWAYS hungry. Never finished one "meal" without planning for the next. Never left a table feeling full. Always craved chips and chocolate bars... always checking the clock to see if it were time to eat again. Those were nasty days.

But - I had run out of options. Doing it on my own wasn't working and I needed to lose weight in order to get healthy. I needed some structure and external monitoring. My dear sister (DS) was enjoying her online WW so, on October 19, 2008, I signed up.