I am willing to bet there isn't a fat woman out there in North America who doesn't believe with all of her heart that clothes shopping will be nirvana when she reaches that magical number lodged in the ideal weight part of her brain. I certainly did.
At 221 lbs., I was so tired of my limited options in clothing stores. I bought everything with spandex so it would be comfortable over rolls. I could also buy a smaller size if it were stretchy enough! But, I could never buy blouses that fit over my upper arms. And they gaped at the chest regardless of the shoulder width. I purchased many jackets that could not do up at the waist - if they fit the upper arms, I was more than happy to leave them open even if it did give the appearance of a gentleman's hunting jacket from a 17th century painting. Pants were a nightmare - to get something to go around my ginormous thighs I had to endure 4 inches of gaping at the waist. A belt cinching that extra material just pulled the whole thing upward resulting in pants with perma-wedgy. Always uncomfortable, snug, pulling, and, let's face it, not very attractive. No matter what I bought or how much I paid for it - clothes just didn't look good on me.
So I learned to hate shopping - paying too much for ill fitting, ugly clothes seemed like torture. I once enjoyed thrift store shopping but, as an obese woman, you really don't want someone else's pulled out, worn out garments. Brand new ones would rub an open seam between the legs soon enough - no need to get something already threadbare! Taking valuable time from an overpacked day in order to drive to a busy mall where you're bound to be disappointed, depressed and disillusioned just doesn't seem like a good way to spend your life.
Losing 81 lbs should mean that these feelings are behind me. That shopping for clothes with this trim, fit, proportioned body would be a joyful experience. Walk into any store in the mall and come out with a bag of perfect clothing designed to fit the new me like a model's wardrobe.
HA!
Shopping is still a nightmare! I have almost as much difficulty now as I did 5 years ago. I am a size 2 - this is not a real woman's size anymore - only teenagers and movie stars wear size 2. I lost 81 lbs but gained 5 years in age - I'm almost 50, I don't really want to shop at Garage, Aritzia, Suzy Shier or H&M. I want to shop at Cleo, or the Bay or Laura or Nygard but, in order to do so, I have to shop in the Petites section. I am 5' 5 1/2" tall - Petites are too short in the leg length, too short in the hemline (no one, and I mean no one, needs to see 50 year old formerly obese knees), too short in the sleeves. But, the regular sizes start at 4 and that, apparently, is too big.
They shouldn't be too big - I weigh 140lbs for heaven's sake!! I weighed 20lbs less all through high school and was happy with my size 10s. What the hell has happened here?? How can I weigh 140lbs and be too small to buy clothes?
GAH!
I don't have time for this. I really don't. I am going to Newfoundland for the weekend and, given its, shall we say, unpredictable summer weather, I thought it might be wise to have a second pair of long pants along for the ride. I own one single pair of long pants that fit. I spent three hours shopping on Thursday night coming home with a pair of Calvin Klein jeans that are too short but, at least they fit in the waist, hips and legs. That's it - one pair of jeans from 7 stores, at least 15 trips to the change rooms and a wallet prepared to be open.
It was so discouraging. In addition to many pairs of ill fitting jeans, I tried on jackets that fell off my shoulders like a de-padded 80's blazer. I tried on skirts that could accommodate both arms with the zipper done up. I tried on baggy blouses (even in the arms) and ill fitting sweaters and I can't even imagine getting to September and facing my completely empty winter wardrobe. I may need a month off work just to find the time to search out clothes to wear to work.
What has happened? Why isn't this more fun? I don't ever want to go back to being overweight but, please, someone make cothes for me that fit!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Change is good...
Well, I've yanked out the umbilical cord and switched from old faithful to a new BFF. It's going to save me some money but that really wasn't the point. I just needed more and my old faithful wasn't providing it any longer - sniff.
Yes, I've switched from Weight Watchers to Spark People (http://www.sparkpeople.com/) - and it's been a BIG change.
First of all, it's free - a philanthropic young entrepreneur who cashed in on the dot com craze before it tanked has decided to change the world on his earnings - and, to be fair, sell a truckload full of advertising at the same time. But, no one forces me to open the ads so, it's free to me.
I made the change because I needed better tools to manage my diet. WW's point system just isn't good enough for someone who runs 38 km a week and needs to keep a practiced eye on when and how much carbohydrate and protein were eaten. And a plan that separates sugar from carbs. And tells you how much sodium you're taking in - especially important for me as I eat very few processed foods and don't use table salt yet sweat up a storm 4 hours a week. Some of us need to keep an eye on sodium to make sure we're getting enough! It counts every calorie and measures them all - WW was too easy to assign a single point for a banana even though the one just eaten was 9 inches long and fat through the middle!
WW points just stopped working for me even though I was maintaining my weight and rarely hungry - I felt like something was missing. And my garmin forerunner 305 GPS heart monitor was begging for the information it produces to be put to good use!
Sparkpeople allows me to better manage my exercise. It adjusts my intake based on actual calories burned - information I get directly from my heart monitor - so, no more guessing at intensity! No more Activity Points - I actually see the calories I've used and need to replace. Sparkpeople offers a range for my daily intake to accommodate these needs. On non-running days I can see that I used less calories and ate less too - quite the concept.
I also switched for motivation - I want to be inspired. There are inspiring souls on the WW boards and they are universally encouraging but the majority of members are struggling as I once did with doing the same things day in and day out and expecting different results. Laments and excuses and psychic pain and self loathing and doubt and quick fixes and falling apart at the seams... I have been there, I find it all very discouraging.
I don't want to be the one doing the inspiring - I have no easy answers for those seeking the magic pill. I worry about the newbies who pop up and drop 10 lbs in the first 2 weeks and expect it to last. I worry about those with chronic health conditions who desperately need to find some answers but are struggling with forming the right questions for themselves. I feel inadequate. So, on Spark People I've joined a maintenance group where there are many people who have lost amazing amounts of weight and I am just one of the crowd. I can read their personal stories on their sparkpeople blogs and be thrilled and awed by their pictures and find the self pride to continue this for another day.
So, for now, I'm a sparkpeople devotee. I've pretty much abandoned my WW boards - haven't time to go back to them and I do miss the wonderful people who populate the 40's board in particular. So, once life settles down and I'm not quite so busy, I will go back and maybe spread the word - that should get me banned!!!
Check it out for yourself!
Yes, I've switched from Weight Watchers to Spark People (http://www.sparkpeople.com/) - and it's been a BIG change.
First of all, it's free - a philanthropic young entrepreneur who cashed in on the dot com craze before it tanked has decided to change the world on his earnings - and, to be fair, sell a truckload full of advertising at the same time. But, no one forces me to open the ads so, it's free to me.
I made the change because I needed better tools to manage my diet. WW's point system just isn't good enough for someone who runs 38 km a week and needs to keep a practiced eye on when and how much carbohydrate and protein were eaten. And a plan that separates sugar from carbs. And tells you how much sodium you're taking in - especially important for me as I eat very few processed foods and don't use table salt yet sweat up a storm 4 hours a week. Some of us need to keep an eye on sodium to make sure we're getting enough! It counts every calorie and measures them all - WW was too easy to assign a single point for a banana even though the one just eaten was 9 inches long and fat through the middle!
WW points just stopped working for me even though I was maintaining my weight and rarely hungry - I felt like something was missing. And my garmin forerunner 305 GPS heart monitor was begging for the information it produces to be put to good use!
Sparkpeople allows me to better manage my exercise. It adjusts my intake based on actual calories burned - information I get directly from my heart monitor - so, no more guessing at intensity! No more Activity Points - I actually see the calories I've used and need to replace. Sparkpeople offers a range for my daily intake to accommodate these needs. On non-running days I can see that I used less calories and ate less too - quite the concept.
I also switched for motivation - I want to be inspired. There are inspiring souls on the WW boards and they are universally encouraging but the majority of members are struggling as I once did with doing the same things day in and day out and expecting different results. Laments and excuses and psychic pain and self loathing and doubt and quick fixes and falling apart at the seams... I have been there, I find it all very discouraging.
I don't want to be the one doing the inspiring - I have no easy answers for those seeking the magic pill. I worry about the newbies who pop up and drop 10 lbs in the first 2 weeks and expect it to last. I worry about those with chronic health conditions who desperately need to find some answers but are struggling with forming the right questions for themselves. I feel inadequate. So, on Spark People I've joined a maintenance group where there are many people who have lost amazing amounts of weight and I am just one of the crowd. I can read their personal stories on their sparkpeople blogs and be thrilled and awed by their pictures and find the self pride to continue this for another day.
So, for now, I'm a sparkpeople devotee. I've pretty much abandoned my WW boards - haven't time to go back to them and I do miss the wonderful people who populate the 40's board in particular. So, once life settles down and I'm not quite so busy, I will go back and maybe spread the word - that should get me banned!!!
Check it out for yourself!
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